2016
Dear Members of the Nigerian Royal Family:
Thank you for all your correspondence over the past 20 years. I am so, so sorry I wasn’t able to respond to your very generous offers to share your fortunes with me in exchange for my help in getting your funds out of Nigeria before they were stolen by unscrupulous thieves in your corrupt government. Unfortunately, there were far, far too many people and organizations here in America who made similar, though perhaps nowhere near as generous, offers, and I felt my money would be put to better use if I contributed to them. I could not let my own greed stand in the way of helping those here in the Western Hemisphere who were in such dire need, and I was willing to accept smaller returns on my investments in their futures, returns that, admittedly, paled in comparison to the tens of millions of dollars your princes have offered me over the years. My biggest regret is that had I accepted your largesse, I could have put your money to such good use over here! Enough regrets! Now to the good news!
I am ready to make amends to those I shamefully ignored in the past, and I fervently hope none of you lost his fortune and is now penniless because I spurned his pleas in the past. But I know the Boko Haram operating in Nigeria has presented an even bigger threat to your fortunes than the corrupt government officials of yesteryear, and quite probably many of you find themselves going broke and living on the edge of poverty. It is not a good time to be a Nigerian prince! But I am here to help, so I beg you to forgive me and let me assist you now in your time of greatest need.
Due to my good fortune here in America, I now have more exotic automobiles, Gulfstream jets, yachts, McMansions, and hundreds of millions of dollars more than I’ll ever need. It is time for me to start giving back. So I have launched a charitable foundation based in the Cayman Islands, the General Scoggins Foundation to Save the Wealth of Indigenous Indigent Nigerian Princes, or the GSFSWIINP. All you need to do to get back on your feet and back into your palaces is send a cashier’s check or wire transfer in the amount of $25,000 US as a show of good faith made out to the GSFSWIINP account at The Hidden Assets Bank of the Cayman Islands, Ltd., 7500 Loopholes Boulevard, George Town, Grand Cayman. Contact me at gsfswiinp@greedmail.scam, and once I verify the deposit has been made I shall immediately wire $10,000,000 to the bank account of your choice. But you must act now! I am not Warren Buffett or Bill Gates, and my funds earmarked to help you are therefore limited.
I remain your Honorable Friend and Benefactor,
General Charles R. Scoggins (USAF Retired)
President, CSFSWIINP